When Chronic Illness brings spiritual warfare

Have you ever thought, "Why me, God?"?  Or perhaps you don't even know how to feel. Do you feel choked by fear? Do you feel relieved to have a diagnosis or do you resist it? Do you feel swallowed up by the medical merry-go-round and people's opinions? Do you feel like life as you know it is over? Are you blaming God?

Anger vs Praise
Perhaps you are ahead of me at the time of my diagnosis, and were quickly able to see God's grace and mercy in your life.  Maybe you're even able to praise Him for this blessing of an illness? What? Praise Him for an illness?  If you are like me, my first thought was not to praise God. As a matter of fact, I wasn't even a Christian at the time my health issues began. Somehow I knew there was a God though, because I sure was angry at Him! My life was perfect according to society standards...I had a great husband, two healthy kids, a great career, great friends, fun hobbies... All the things we are taught to feel are important from a young age.

The Physical Battle for our health and Spiritual Warfare for our Faith begins! 
Very quickly, the spiritual warfare began for me. I raced to heal myself by seeing every doctor, specialist and  alternative doctor willing to see me, in between juicing wheatgrass, slurping kale, and finding all the healing recipes on Pinterest. I heavily relied on doctors to "save" me, cure me. Afterall, I was no longer in control and someone had to be! I thought it surely couldn't be God or I wouldn't have this health issue. During breaks in all that chaos, I pointed my finger to the sky. Why now? My kids are so young? I feel like my life is just getting started! I'm a good person. Whyyyy?  The thing is, I selfishly cried out to God in anger but I wasn't listening to Him.  I didn't expect to hear anything back, I suppose. Perhaps I was like Martha when Jesus came to visit...too busy and distracted to listen.  (Luke 10:38-42)

Eventually, with the stress of the doctors visits, invasive testing, trial medications, no real answers or hope and a poor prognosis, I felt helpless and my heart began to soften. My anger turned into a desire. A desire to know more about a God. Who is this guy that so many people believe in and turn to? I thought about some of the Christians I knew, who were in some pretty bad circumstances themselves, yet they radiated joy. How could that be?

Time for Church, Honey!

One day I told my husband I wanted to go to Church. I think he knew better than to argue, because we needed something! He was raised a Christian, however had wandered off like so many do and was looking forward to going back.  So began the "Church dating". We went to several until we found one that felt like home for our entire family and began showing up weekly and just listening. We quickly knew we were in the right place! The messages in the sermons were everything we needed to hear and we felt so thankful God lead us to a great Bible based church. I became more like Mary and just wanted to sit at Jesus' feet and listen. I was still in a pretty bad place emotionally over the health crisis, so many tears were shed, but we continued to go week after week and I slowly developed a priceless and freeing relationship with The Lord! I realized all Jesus wanted was to give to me...he wanted me to receive forgiveness, life, love and peace in my heart. No doctor could give that to me, but He could. 

Did the Spiritual Warfare end? 

As I grew closer to The Lord, Satan sure thought it was important to try to weasel his way back in, so no, it didn't end. It was an ongoing struggle, until I put some protective measures in place for myself. Well, it's still a struggle, but far less these days!  I began developing strong friendships with other Believers and we are a great support to each other... I cling to God's Word and all His promises, I began ministering to other people suffering with chronic illness, etc. I put the protective armor of God on!  Lately I've been tested again, by being in a very serious Autoimmune flare-up and spending far too much time back in the doctors offices and hospitals, being very focused on my body again. It has taken true effort and calling on God for strength, whether day by day or even hour by hour, to make it through this one without letting the spiritual warfare begin. 

Are we victims or did we ever have control anyway?

It would be pretty easy to feel like a victim in severe chronic illness, to feel like so much is out of our control. But, you know what? Was it ever in our control in the first place? God has been, is and always will be in control. For someone like me that was a hard adjustment. You mean I can't be totally in control?? I very much like to feel independent and in control at all times. I'm just wired that way. Slowly, I've come to be so thankful that I have someone, an all knowing God, who is always there and never changes. I deal with enough changes! Satan has a way of causing fear, worry, self-reliance, anger, etc. to seep in though, so Spiritual Warfare is truly an ongoing battle for many of us. The Lord wants to draw us to Him and we'd be wise to obey His call and be prepared for "battle", because Satan wants to draw us in as well. 

What does God say?

In Ephesians 6, God tells us to put on the full armor of God because our struggle is spiritual! 

In Matthew 6:33 It says we are to seek God's Kingdom and righteousness first and we will receive all that we need! 

He wants us to seek Him. Sure, we need to pursue appropriate medical care, but also pray about the direction, listen and trust. God is waiting for us to give Him control and just very well may bring you to the perfect doctor or medicine or even bring you instant healing!  But, that is His call, not ours. 

What Now? 

Mainly what God wants is for us to have a relationship with him, so we need to be in prayer and talk to Him, but we also need to listen... Listen in prayer, listen throughout the day, listen through His word in the Bible.  Our lives can be so unpredictable in chronic illness. Be prepared! Set up a routine that works for you.  I began setting aside quiet time with The Lord first thing in the morning and it's been an amazing way to start my day, no matter how I feel physically. It takes the focus off my body and puts my focus on the correct things. I end up being more productive, joyful, alive!  

Spiritual Warfare is very real but with God, we can overcome it. I'll leave you with this Bible Verse to meditate on...

Isaiah 40:28-31

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not grow faint or weary; His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might, he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for The Lord shall renew their strength ; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not be faint. 

AMEN! Something to remember.... Satan fights the hardest when he knows God has something great in store!

Be well and be blesses friends,

Linda 

A Story of Grace

In the past month I've had too many doctors appointments to count , blood tests weekly, scans as needed, 3 hospital stays, so many medical bills, a messy house, new symptoms and new medicines...an overworked husband and precious children all needing my care!

So, what about GRACE?  How can all of that possibly translate into a Story of Grace?  Maybe not in a perfect little picture of grace you'd like to see;  there are definitely hills and valleys, twists and turns, and yes, heartache and tears at times.

 

When my autoimmune issues flared up in a serious way this past month I was certainly disappointed, but I knew better than to question God's plan this time.  I prayed for guidance, sat back quietly and listened for even a whisper of direction. I simply heard, "rest in me".  Ok, pretty vague, right? My doctor already told me to rest!

In any case, I did just that. I put on the coziest of pajamas, made a temporary home on the couch and lined up my ipad, Bible, various books, and had some fabulous sisters in Christ on speed dial.  My husband was on board and was a great help with the kids so that gave me the peace I needed to rest in the Lord and see what was in store.

I've been actively working on several projects in Ministry and they have been moving along really well, so I admit I was concerned that there would be a big change in direction...or even a stop.  I kept praying to trust in the Lord's plan and I continued to rest and study, rest and study. Before I knew it I had somehow connected with many other people who were also suffering the devastating effects of illness. I quickly started a closed Facebook group for these folks so we could encourage each other and set our sites on the Lord, not our illness. We initiated daily Prayer Prompts that are getting people back to talking to the Lord regularly. Being very unsavvy when it comes to technology, somehow I got started on Pinterest and Twitter as a way to further the ministry from my couch. The Lord led a dear friend to bring over a book that was exactly what I needed to be reminded of all of the beauty in suffering. That helped me get through the harder days! My children come up to me all throughout the day with gentle hugs and offerings in their own special way.  I am not alone...It is obvious how God was providing all that is needed during this this time. 

Grace to me is "enough-ness", it is God giving us enough of what we need to carry out His will for us. Well, I would say I am in the midst of a Story of Grace!

I'm in awe that as I sit here, in a big physical mess that can be quite scary, I feel peaceful. The Lord has given me a clear windshield to look through and see His grace and love. He's given me the knowledge, desire and tools to build relationships and identify with others who are suffering. Our suffering actually does not belong to us, but it belongs to the Lord as well. It is an instrument for His purpose!

So, God has chosen me to receive His grace, but I know that is so that I can let others know about this gift. God has met me in my suffering and He can meet you too. Suffering is not just illness of the body - we live on earth, there is suffering, period. Over 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce, that's a huge population of suffering right there! The poor economy has left many homeless or with difficulty putting food on the table, more suffering there. Maybe you have an illness, maybe you don't...but I'm pretty sure you know what if feels like to suffer.

I challenge you today to look at God's grace in your life, no matter the circumstances. Not an easy task! What has He provided you with to live out His will for you? Are you answering His call? I'd love to hear how you've witnessed God's grace in your life!

xoxo,

Linda

"The Hardest Peace" by Kara Tippetts, a Woman whose words we should all meet!

Happy Sunday Friends!

After weeks of being homebound in a serious flare up, I've been able to spend so much quiet time with the Lord and allow him to stir my soul in the ways only He knew I needed.  What a blessing this time has been!  It's truly a blessing. 

Many people ask me how my physical suffering doesn't make me angry at God. I understand the question, but with a humble heart I tell them, it is not *MY* suffering. It doesn't even belong to me!  It is simply God using me as His child to accomplish His will. As long as I act in obedience to that, I am ok. Better than ok most days! And, yes, that even includes the times of utmost misery as I've recently found myself experiencing.

During this time, he has wiped away so many tears and fears and helped me to see the beauty in suffering. Often we go through our day and barely notice a beautiful flower in our path, let alone a beautiful soul walking along side of us. Have you ever had a sweet checker a the grocery store and you just knew they needed a word of encouragement?  That is beauty right there - the Holy Spirit communicating between two beings. What about  feeling so much physical pain you can hardly see, but God giving you the loving hug of your child...more beauty to be seen right there. It is everywhere and I am learning to see it more and more through my suffering. During this time of rest, the Lord lead me to start a closed FB Group for people in similar positions and seeing the fellowship take off and the gentle encouraging communications has shown me more of the beauty in suffering. God does not forsake us, he is near the broken hearted.

I am noticing beauty in every person I meet...in every struggle, in every hope, in every smile, in every frown. There is beauty everywhere. God is at work, breaking and remaking so many souls and more and more people are becoming like Jesus. How can I complain about being even just a small part of that? I can't. Sure, I may want (and even do!) to at my weaker moments, but God has already shown me too much.

I recently met the most beautiful woman - this woman I met through her words. Her name is Kara Tippetts and she has Blog called Mundane Faithfulness.  My Blog today is a tribute to the fabulous way God is using  her situation of pain and suffering to glorify Him. She is obedient every step of the way, yet honest in her human weaknesses. She is a tender hearted, passionate woman who loves the Lord, her family and ALL of us. I read her book in one night. Since then, I've re-read it two more times. The Book is called "The Hardest Peace", Expecting Grace in the Midst of Suffering and I highly suggest you pick up a copy and share it with anyone walking a difficult path.

"If I am going to see myself clearly, I need to hold the mirror of God's Word in front of me."

Paul David Tripp, Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands

Kara is a married mother of  four young children and she has stage 4 terminal cancer. In her own words, "I am dying". Yet, she is living while she is dying. She has no interest in the "Suicide Pill" Brittney Maynard is choosing - Kara wants to live out her final days, however many God will gift her with, and find beauty in her journey back to Him. Her and her husband speak openly about what challenges them during these final days with remarkable honesty and love. In the midst of their pain, they are sharing with others, ministering to people who may also be suffering but do not yet know God's mercy and grace, love and beauty. They are given so many divine appointments in which Kara and her husband are the hands and feet of Jesus and they have taken this calling seriously.

Kara's words are filled with love, mercy, understanding, humility, so much compassion. If I had the chance to meet her, I would hug her tightly and thank her for being such an obedient servant to God in her own pain. I would let her know she has helped me to shift my viewpoint from running away from suffering, to running toward it. To dig deeper, to seek God and all He wants from me at this time, no matter the how difficult that may be in the midst of a storm.  I see nothing but beauty coming from that.

                          "Give me the courage to stand the pain to get the grace."

Flannery O'Connor, A Prayer Journal

Kara asks people to move away from fear and control toward peace and grace. Now, I know this can easily apply to all of us with serious healthy struggles, but that is certainly not the only form of suffering, What about marriage issues, financial issues, trouble with a neighbor, etc?  Anytime we can move from fear and control to grace an peace, good things will happen!  

Lastly, never forget, we are not alone in this. EVER. I've experienced some "lonely" days - the days my husband just wasn't up to hearing any more about it, the days both my kids had playdates and I couldn't join, missed family functions etc...BUT, you know what? I always have God and He always meets me where I am at if am faithful enough to ask Him to. Afterall, what kind of Father would not help a child truly seeking guidance? Kara explains how He shapes even our unmet expectations into beauty. That thought alone helped me - I had so many expectations for myself at this point in my life. I had BIG dreams!  Knowing that those unmet expectations will too be used by God and turned into something even more beautiful, inspires and encourages me.

 

I have never met you Kara, but I love you...I love the way God designed you, the way He is working in and through you and the way you are allowing your story to be shared with the world. Thank you for opening up and sharing your story with us all Kara!

Dear Lord, I lift Kara and John Tippetts and their four beautiful children up to you today. Thank you for this beautiful family and the work you are doing in and through them. I know they hear news after news that can tear at their core, but I also know that we serve a God far bigger and than any cancer, diagnosis, pain and fear.  With that being said Lord, there are many hurting hearts that are pouring out to you over this family's situation. Please hear those cries, and bring continous peace and comfort to this beautiful family. They are your children Lord, we know this. Always help them to see your good news will always triumph over any medical news. May they have many days left to love each other and glorify you, Lord. 

In Jesus' Name I pray! AMEN

XOXO,

Linda

Brittany Maynard: Suicide vs Hope

Many of you have probably heard the story of Brittany Maynard, the 29 year old woman scheduled to take a pill to end her life on November 1st. Brittany has cancer, carrying the devastating prognosis of 6 months. Doctors have shared what she can expect over these 6 months and that image, seeing herself suffering, dependent on others, must have been enough to scare her...push her to what I would call suicude. This hurts my heart. 

Brittany wants to write the ending to a story in which someone else is the author - God. There's always the possibility of a miracle, what if God has a miracle in store for her? Many people can't wrap their head around that...but how about this? Brittany has many months to touch the lives of others, to create memories, to give and receive love.   Today, as I was driving home from the store, I prayed for Brittany. As I prayed, there were tears because I truly feel for this woman and I feel for her loved ones. I feel for them deeply.

You see, I am fortunate and unfortunate enough to understand a small part of what Brittany is feeling. My illness also carries a scary prognosis.  I have much much more than 6 months, God willing, but this time will likely not be without suffering. I choose not to look at what could happen because God only knows the course it will take. Some in my situation have lost their vision, hearing, use of a limb, ability to breath etc. Then of course there is vanity. Will I look different? Will I be in a wheelchair? I could go on and on. Fortunately I have not had to face anything extreme but it does linger out there as a very real possibility with my diagnosis.  I can put my trust in those statistics or I can put my trust in God, the Greatest Physician of all. I do not know if I will be healed physically but I do know I am already healed spiritually and emotionally and God has given me the strength to endure - some days I do more than endure, I thrive! 

It wasn't always this way. In the early days of my symptoms developing, I was terrified. I would wake up to tears and fall asleep to tears. The gut wrenching knot in my stomache was all based on fear. I was afraid of dying, leaving my young children, not having good care, what changes would happen in my body and on and on. I wanted to live SO badly but I almost wanted to die if I couldn't live the way I envisioned. I did not know God then - had I, my thoughts would have been very different.  Like Brittany has said, I wasn't "suicidal". I wanted to live, but if I had to suffer and be a burden those around me, maybe "suicide" was a good thing, better for everyone else and for my pride. Pride - that's a big thing to overcome. Thankfully God spoke to me in those early days. He showed me there would be a way and he led me right to Him, where He now carries my burdens for me. 

What I have learned through my own journey is that God is a God of grace. He meets us where we are at and that especially includes our times of suffering. I have grown more in my relationship with The Lord in the past year than I ever have and that is because of my suffering. Not just that, but I've connected with others all over the world and we've helped each other on this difficult journey. Friendships have blossomed and I don't mean "let's go to the mall" kind of friendships. I mean true spiritual connections, filled with love and understanding. So, yeah, it's tough. Really tough. But it can be glorious too - final days can be filled with love and hope, no matter how many days there are. Brittany is suffering, no doubt, and I would give anything for these words to reach her, because she too can have hope. 

Dear Brittany,

I am sorry for the position you find yourself in. I am sorry for the hurt, pain, fear, diagnosis, all of it. But, I am especially sorry to hear you are choosing to take a pill to end your precious life. I can only imagine what you are feeling, dealing with such personal matters in such a public way especially now that it has gone viral. But, Brittany, I want you to live, to live out the days God has planned for you.  To experience the tender love that can take place in your final days. To know that you are a valuable child of God. I want you to know you don't need to be afraid. God will meet you right where you are at if you ask him to. He can live in you today,  and you can have eternal life through Him.  First, you just need to choose to not end your life on November 1st. Go to your closest Bible based Christian Church. Speak with a pastor - let him share the Word of God with you. Let Him share hope with you! Allow God to stir things in you, to wake up the parts of your soul that your diagnosis has likely put to sleep. It is not too late to change your mind Brittany. People all over the world are praying for exactly that - that you change your mind and live out the final days God is gifting you with. 

With much love,

Linda 🌺

One of those days...

"Tracheitis (inflammation of the trachea) can be very serious...we have to increase the medication at least short term...rest, rest, rest...avoid large crowds...avoid sick people...avoid stress..." 

Sitting in the ER this morning and having this conversation with the doctor, my eyes glazed over a bit. Hearing these things can be daunting! I live on earth so avoiding these things is almost impossible!  That's what I shared with the doctor. His witty response...  "A collapsed airway will change your mind."  Ok, this just got real.

This disease is not "mine"...I don't claim it, take ownership of it or see a future with it.  It is simply something happening to my body right now and it may be slowing me down a bit, but I refuse to become it. Maybe I live in a fantasy land, but God has given me some peace with this disease following me around for a while.  With that being said, it is a very real disease, doing very real and progressive damage to my body, and it requires attention. Too much attention this past year.


ER visits are never fun, but I especially dread it when the Relapsing Polychondritis is flared up.  Most doctors have never seen a case of it and have to quickly research it before deciding what to do. That's a scary thought - me educating the doctor??  When the ER doctor tried to give me a particular pain pill, I had to remind him it interacts with my medication. His response. "Oh, you're right, we should avoid that". Not very comforting for the patient!

Not being able to let my guard down can be downright exhausting, yet also gives me a sense of control that is often lost to autoimmune patients. Afterall, our immune system is kicking our own backside so it's kind of hard to feel in control when that is happening! As a patient, you begin to recognize the flare ups often before they are detectable in bloodwork/imagining, etc.  This time my symptoms were brewing for a while, but the perfectionist in me just wanted to push through. You know, wait just another day before resorting to the heavy hitter medications. Maybe it will pass on it's own. That was a mistake on my part!

I just get tired -  tired of the doctors visits, the decisions about the medications, missing out on many social activities that I love, tired of waiting for remission.

AHA!!  Wait? Why wait? Remission may never come. Well, I certainly like to think it will come and deep in my heart I do feel it will. In the meantime, this is my life, my husband's life, my children's life... and we all need to live it and live it well!

So, increase the prednisone? OK, let's do it.  Rest? Ok, let's do it. Avoid sick people? OK, let's do it.  Avoid stress? Ok, let's do it.Well, I'll try.  Then again, is too much pressure to not stress causing stress in itself?? lol!  That's the life of an autoimmune patient. Those of you walking this same path know why I mean. It's like walking on a tightrope.

The one thing they didn't say is "Trust God".  That's not something you'll likely ever hear in a hospital setting because they aren't allowed to talk about religious beliefs with patients. I am certain it would have felt really great if my doctor said that. Just a simple statement of hope and reassurance.  God is so good though and on my way home, exhausted, I thought I'd make one stop at the grocery store to buy some easy to make things so I could squeeze in more rest without starving my family. To my surprise, I ran into a fabulous friend from church and we chatted for a bit. Now, keep in mind, I go to the grocery store about 5 days/week (sounds crazy, but I love fresh produce!) and have never run into her. AND this wasn't just anybody, this was someone who lives her life for the Lord. I would say that was a divine meeting. When she walks into room, you almost can see light around her. I never hear anything come from her mouth that doesn't feel like it's straight from the Lord. As soon as I saw her, I smiled inside, knowing God has this handled. We chatted a bit and although the conversation was light, it lifted whatever last bit of weight I was carrying from the hospital visit.  Thank you Lord...and thank you Jenny. :)



Getting well involves so much more than doctors, medications, eating clean, etc - it’s a journey. A journey to learn to trust God to heal your spirit, to show you His peace and His healing, however that may come. Sometimes it's spiritual or emotional healing, but not physical healing. We have no way of knowing how, when or why healing will come.

I would love to be in an instant remission, but I'm not and for now I have to accept that.  Although I am home resting, that doesn't mean I can't be productive. The Bible teaches there is a time for rest! Well, I guess God has decided this a time for rest for me. How I use that time is up to me.

This time I'll dig a little deeper. I'll set aside the books about Autoimmune illness, diets, recoveries, miracles, etc. I'm going to dig deep for healing.  Take a look at my pride, sins and fear. I'll break out my Bible, my journal and maybe a cup of tea and let God work in me.

So, that's what Graceful fight is all about.  Do what you have to do to handle the body - fight your illness any way you need to, but do it with God's grace.  So, yeah, I have my veggie juice and smoothies, fish oil, probiotics, medications, doctors, etc...but I also have something bigger: God and His plan.

Next time you find yourself stressing about your illness, take a moment to think about what I've said. Is obsessively trying to heal your body causing you more harm? Stressing you out? Making your head spin? If so, may I suggest you take some time to work on yourself spiritually and emotionally?  Seems to me that is when healing can come, on so many levels.
 
xoxo,
Linda 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Prov. 3:5&6