Crowd it out!

Can Have vs. Can't Have

As a Nutirionist, I have a pretty good idea about what motivates people to stick with a meal plan. It was obvious pretty early on in my career, that people do not like to hear about what they CANNOT do or have. They didn't want to hear "do not eat sugar...do not eat processed food...do not drink soda...". People respond much more positively when it's about what they CAN do and have. For example, I had a client that really loved his diet coke. He would drink several per day and it was a big roadblock on his journey to health. He didn't want anyone to tell him that soda was a poison best avoided!  I didn't even mention the soda in our session - Instead I talked about the drinks he needed each day: water, lemon water, vegetable juice, smoothie, green tea.  He was encouraged to drink a certain quantity of each and by the time he drank everything on the list, he didn't have a chance (or room in his belly!) to grab a soda. In our follow up session, I reviewed his food logs and found that he only had two sodas the entire 2 weeks, compared to the 4 per day prior to our session. When I brought up the subject of his soda habit, he shared that he was always thinking about it and craving it, until those two weeks. He was thrilled to switch his thought process and think about what he could have.

How does this apply to Chronic Illness?

That's not much different than what I apply when it comes to the illness I'm dealing with. The first few years were filled with many terrible emotions, heartache and fear. Sadly, that is what I focused on in the early days. When I came to know the Lord and my faith strengthened, I began to spend more time on positive things. I was crowding out the bad without even realizing it! 

For me, developing a closer relationship to the Lord and going to church, studying the Bible and working in ministry really built a nice toolkit for me to be able see beyond my physical illness, to find purpose - God's purpose for me.  When the appointments, tests, symptoms, hospital stays come and the fear of what's around the corner begins to take hold, I quickly crowd it out...with Jesus! It brings a peace that I never knew could exist.

If you are on a diet, would you leave cookies on the table? That probably wouldn't be in your best interest!  If googling your symptoms or spending too much time thinking about your health issues (or any other difficulty in your life)  makes you spin downhill, crowd it out! If you tell yourself you *can't* google your symptoms, it may just be on your mind more. But, what if each time you want to find those answers on the internet, you choose to search Bible Verses on hope and healing and God's love for YOU instead? What if you find yourself having quiet time and your thoughts go the wrong direction? You may know it's not good for you, so not only are you spinning downward in your thoughts, but you may even begin to feel guilty that you've allowed it (just like eating that cookie sometimes!). Next time, don't tell yourself you can't think about those things...just crowd it out! Fill that time with something else in line with being more positive. Pick up your Bible, work on a devotional, call a trusted friend and meet for coffee, etc. 

Many of the people that follow this Blog have chronic health issues like I do. I challenge you to look at your situation. What is going well? What isn't going well? Sure, our bodies are going to give us trouble to varying degrees, and sometimes very serious, but we are SO much more than our bodies. God has a plan for each and every one of us and we don't need to wait to be healed to discover it. Often huge spiritual growth takes place during our trials. 

Where do I Start?

There are many ways to start, but I suggest starting everything with prayer. Spend some quiet time with Lord, asking Him to show you what you need and for the strength and discipline to do so. 

Some of the ways I've been able to crowd it out with Jesus are:

- I pray and spend quiet time with the Lord often.

- I schedule time that's set aside to study the Bible, read devotionals etc.

- I enjoy fellowship with other Believers who understand my situation and limitations. 

- I started a Facebook Group, where folks suffering with chronic illness who want to rely on God's grace in their journey, can find encouragment and fellowship. 

- I join Twitter "Prayer" and "Praise" chats that are almost like Bible Study and I learn so much and I'm so encouraged by them. I have been recovering at home for the last month so I have been unable to attend my Church or Bible Study - I'm thankful for technology these days! 

- I keep a Gratitude Journal and I use it to write the the blessings God has given me. This especially helps on the harder 

days. 

I have experienced the crowding out the illness or suffering with JESUS firsthand and it's been a game changer for me. The illness is still part of my body until

God sees fit for me to be healed, but it's not part of me! 

God does not always take away our suffering, but He will always transform it, transform YOU in it. Look to Jesus in every way, seek Him and you will be healed in the most important way, spiritually. Physical healing just may be next! 

xoxo,

Linda 

It's real life, folks! A guest entry from a Lyme Warrior!

You know someone with a chronic Illness, but may not know who! Many of the illnesses are invisible so these people can fly under the radar. Statistics report that 1 in 3 people (90 million in the US alone) have a chronic illness. Wowza - that's a huge number. Even with that alarming statistic, there seems to be a lack of awareness. 

I recently read a very vulnerable facebook post from a dear friend - someone who is one of the 1 in 3, battling her way through some difficult days. Today I am sharing her post with you in an effort to shed some light on what it's like living with a chronic illness. Many of these diseases are invisible and those of us who live with them tend keep the details private as we press on, which can lend to some normalcy but also to some isolation. These dreadful diseases that cause so much pain, fatigue, limitations and daily struggles affect the whole person, in every area of their life. The amazing gal who wrote this post has a very strong family and a very strong faith in a God. She is blessed that she is able to live with joy and gives complete praise to The Lord for His grace over her life, in a very difficult situation. 

The Facebook post below was written by Lisa Pelton, who has severe Lyme Disease. More importantly, she is a beautiful married mama, friend to many, a children's book author, a lover of life and The Lord! Her case of Lyme is very rare and complex because of co-infections that are resistant to treatment and what she deals with on a daily basis is hard for even me to comprehend. She uses a wheelchair, is mostly homebound and doesn't know any given morning what she'll wake up to. Will her body seize up? Will she be exhausted? Will she have pain? Will she be able to get her kids ready for school? Will she be able to cook? All of these unknowns lead her family to move in with her in-laws. Here's a snapshot of her world, from her own words: 

"It has been a little over a year since I started to really feel bad and was scrambling going to Dr's appointments to help figure out what was happening to me. This hit me hard yesterday, especially because Gary and I had a morning by ourselves. My parents took the kids overnight and all I wanted was to spend time with him, having a quiet breakfast, just the two of us. But, he knew I needed to get food in me quickly and offers to cook at home. "No, I sit with your parents every morning. They are here and I just need you", I told him. I needed to feel 'normal'. We decided to go to Stick Boy, just in town, but I was frustrated because it is not an easy place to get into with a wheelchair. Gary said to leave that problem to him. We got in the car and the tears started to flow. He looked over at me. "What's wrong?" "It is all so overwhelming at times." I responded. He understood. Then as we near town we look up and we see a road block. A physical roadblock to where we want to go. There was a big downtown event, and we needed to change directions. Our hearts sunk, once again forced in a direction, having no choice. Hungry, the new direction had us consider Starbucks, and thankfully they serve breakfast items these days. I was still teary as we sat and Gary lovingly squeezed my hand. I was so appreciative we were together. We then decided to go see my daughter at her gymnastics practice. I have not been able to watch her since I saw her compete in the State meet last December. It meant the world to her that I was there and I also got to see my co-workers and we exchanged huge hugs. How I miss them. I was exhausted by the time I got home and was in bed the rest of the day. All in all it was a really good day. I got to have a taste of my old 'normal', something I realized while driving into town I desperately needed to feel. I don't know what lies ahead, only God knows this. Sometimes we are forced to change directions, and it is not easy. Our 'normals' change from what we once knew. It is hard for everyone to adjust. But the thing that remains constant is our GOD. He is NEVER changing. So if you are in a situation where you find your circumstances have taken you on a detour or roadblock, always remember who is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. His grace will cover all the 'normal' that has changed even if the old normal becomes a new one. Be blessed! Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever."

First, I feel inspired by Lisa's attitude and faith, but then I feel heartbroken. As another one of the 1 in 3 that suffers with a chronic illness, I understand every word she said. So many people take for granted that they can hop in the car and drive with their spouse to a restaurant or movie theatre, walk right in, order some munchies, enjoy a movie and call it a night! Sounds easy enough, right?  You'd be surprised that for many people it isn't. We do crave "normalcy", but for most of us it's a new and constantly changing normal. 

Lisa said something that really warmed my heart. "God is our constant! He is never changing!"  The circumstances that cause change in our life have no affect on God. The uncertainties of life may shake us, but not God - a ROCK - He does not move!  

Psalm 33:11 "The Lord's plans stand firm forever; His intentions can never be shaken." 

God's plan is unchangeable. It existed at the beginning of creation and remains the same today...and you are part of His plan! Paul explains, "We are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago" Ephesians 2:10

It's pretty amazing that in all of the uncertainty that comes with chronic illness, we can have everlasting security in God's unchanging commitment. Trusting in Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we can be assured of eternal life. We may be in some pretty serious storms along the way, and those storms will certainly change, but God remains the same - reliable always. His grace is always sufficient!

If you are one of the 1 in 3 suffering with a chronic illness, I have a challenge for you today!  I challenge you to meditate on this verse:  “When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Psalm 61:2  Next, make a list of times God has been right there, unchanged, while you've been dealing with so many changes. How have you seen His grace pour over you? 

Then I challenge you to keep talking about your story, share your testimony. People need to know they are not alone and you never know who your story can help!

If you are reading this and do not fall into that statistic, I have a different challenge for you. I ask that you think about the people in your life who may be fighting their own battle. He/she may be as obvious as a person in a wheelchair, or they may have invisible illnesses, such as many autoimmune diseases or even cancer.  If you feel lead to, offer this person some encouragement, a simple hello message or a phone call. Just letting them know you care and haven't forgotten about them does wonders for the soul!  

We are all one in Christ!

Xoxo,

Linda 

   

When Chronic Illness brings spiritual warfare

Have you ever thought, "Why me, God?"?  Or perhaps you don't even know how to feel. Do you feel choked by fear? Do you feel relieved to have a diagnosis or do you resist it? Do you feel swallowed up by the medical merry-go-round and people's opinions? Do you feel like life as you know it is over? Are you blaming God?

Anger vs Praise
Perhaps you are ahead of me at the time of my diagnosis, and were quickly able to see God's grace and mercy in your life.  Maybe you're even able to praise Him for this blessing of an illness? What? Praise Him for an illness?  If you are like me, my first thought was not to praise God. As a matter of fact, I wasn't even a Christian at the time my health issues began. Somehow I knew there was a God though, because I sure was angry at Him! My life was perfect according to society standards...I had a great husband, two healthy kids, a great career, great friends, fun hobbies... All the things we are taught to feel are important from a young age.

The Physical Battle for our health and Spiritual Warfare for our Faith begins! 
Very quickly, the spiritual warfare began for me. I raced to heal myself by seeing every doctor, specialist and  alternative doctor willing to see me, in between juicing wheatgrass, slurping kale, and finding all the healing recipes on Pinterest. I heavily relied on doctors to "save" me, cure me. Afterall, I was no longer in control and someone had to be! I thought it surely couldn't be God or I wouldn't have this health issue. During breaks in all that chaos, I pointed my finger to the sky. Why now? My kids are so young? I feel like my life is just getting started! I'm a good person. Whyyyy?  The thing is, I selfishly cried out to God in anger but I wasn't listening to Him.  I didn't expect to hear anything back, I suppose. Perhaps I was like Martha when Jesus came to visit...too busy and distracted to listen.  (Luke 10:38-42)

Eventually, with the stress of the doctors visits, invasive testing, trial medications, no real answers or hope and a poor prognosis, I felt helpless and my heart began to soften. My anger turned into a desire. A desire to know more about a God. Who is this guy that so many people believe in and turn to? I thought about some of the Christians I knew, who were in some pretty bad circumstances themselves, yet they radiated joy. How could that be?

Time for Church, Honey!

One day I told my husband I wanted to go to Church. I think he knew better than to argue, because we needed something! He was raised a Christian, however had wandered off like so many do and was looking forward to going back.  So began the "Church dating". We went to several until we found one that felt like home for our entire family and began showing up weekly and just listening. We quickly knew we were in the right place! The messages in the sermons were everything we needed to hear and we felt so thankful God lead us to a great Bible based church. I became more like Mary and just wanted to sit at Jesus' feet and listen. I was still in a pretty bad place emotionally over the health crisis, so many tears were shed, but we continued to go week after week and I slowly developed a priceless and freeing relationship with The Lord! I realized all Jesus wanted was to give to me...he wanted me to receive forgiveness, life, love and peace in my heart. No doctor could give that to me, but He could. 

Did the Spiritual Warfare end? 

As I grew closer to The Lord, Satan sure thought it was important to try to weasel his way back in, so no, it didn't end. It was an ongoing struggle, until I put some protective measures in place for myself. Well, it's still a struggle, but far less these days!  I began developing strong friendships with other Believers and we are a great support to each other... I cling to God's Word and all His promises, I began ministering to other people suffering with chronic illness, etc. I put the protective armor of God on!  Lately I've been tested again, by being in a very serious Autoimmune flare-up and spending far too much time back in the doctors offices and hospitals, being very focused on my body again. It has taken true effort and calling on God for strength, whether day by day or even hour by hour, to make it through this one without letting the spiritual warfare begin. 

Are we victims or did we ever have control anyway?

It would be pretty easy to feel like a victim in severe chronic illness, to feel like so much is out of our control. But, you know what? Was it ever in our control in the first place? God has been, is and always will be in control. For someone like me that was a hard adjustment. You mean I can't be totally in control?? I very much like to feel independent and in control at all times. I'm just wired that way. Slowly, I've come to be so thankful that I have someone, an all knowing God, who is always there and never changes. I deal with enough changes! Satan has a way of causing fear, worry, self-reliance, anger, etc. to seep in though, so Spiritual Warfare is truly an ongoing battle for many of us. The Lord wants to draw us to Him and we'd be wise to obey His call and be prepared for "battle", because Satan wants to draw us in as well. 

What does God say?

In Ephesians 6, God tells us to put on the full armor of God because our struggle is spiritual! 

In Matthew 6:33 It says we are to seek God's Kingdom and righteousness first and we will receive all that we need! 

He wants us to seek Him. Sure, we need to pursue appropriate medical care, but also pray about the direction, listen and trust. God is waiting for us to give Him control and just very well may bring you to the perfect doctor or medicine or even bring you instant healing!  But, that is His call, not ours. 

What Now? 

Mainly what God wants is for us to have a relationship with him, so we need to be in prayer and talk to Him, but we also need to listen... Listen in prayer, listen throughout the day, listen through His word in the Bible.  Our lives can be so unpredictable in chronic illness. Be prepared! Set up a routine that works for you.  I began setting aside quiet time with The Lord first thing in the morning and it's been an amazing way to start my day, no matter how I feel physically. It takes the focus off my body and puts my focus on the correct things. I end up being more productive, joyful, alive!  

Spiritual Warfare is very real but with God, we can overcome it. I'll leave you with this Bible Verse to meditate on...

Isaiah 40:28-31

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not grow faint or weary; His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might, he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for The Lord shall renew their strength ; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not be faint. 

AMEN! Something to remember.... Satan fights the hardest when he knows God has something great in store!

Be well and be blesses friends,

Linda 

A Story of Grace

In the past month I've had too many doctors appointments to count , blood tests weekly, scans as needed, 3 hospital stays, so many medical bills, a messy house, new symptoms and new medicines...an overworked husband and precious children all needing my care!

So, what about GRACE?  How can all of that possibly translate into a Story of Grace?  Maybe not in a perfect little picture of grace you'd like to see;  there are definitely hills and valleys, twists and turns, and yes, heartache and tears at times.

 

When my autoimmune issues flared up in a serious way this past month I was certainly disappointed, but I knew better than to question God's plan this time.  I prayed for guidance, sat back quietly and listened for even a whisper of direction. I simply heard, "rest in me".  Ok, pretty vague, right? My doctor already told me to rest!

In any case, I did just that. I put on the coziest of pajamas, made a temporary home on the couch and lined up my ipad, Bible, various books, and had some fabulous sisters in Christ on speed dial.  My husband was on board and was a great help with the kids so that gave me the peace I needed to rest in the Lord and see what was in store.

I've been actively working on several projects in Ministry and they have been moving along really well, so I admit I was concerned that there would be a big change in direction...or even a stop.  I kept praying to trust in the Lord's plan and I continued to rest and study, rest and study. Before I knew it I had somehow connected with many other people who were also suffering the devastating effects of illness. I quickly started a closed Facebook group for these folks so we could encourage each other and set our sites on the Lord, not our illness. We initiated daily Prayer Prompts that are getting people back to talking to the Lord regularly. Being very unsavvy when it comes to technology, somehow I got started on Pinterest and Twitter as a way to further the ministry from my couch. The Lord led a dear friend to bring over a book that was exactly what I needed to be reminded of all of the beauty in suffering. That helped me get through the harder days! My children come up to me all throughout the day with gentle hugs and offerings in their own special way.  I am not alone...It is obvious how God was providing all that is needed during this this time. 

Grace to me is "enough-ness", it is God giving us enough of what we need to carry out His will for us. Well, I would say I am in the midst of a Story of Grace!

I'm in awe that as I sit here, in a big physical mess that can be quite scary, I feel peaceful. The Lord has given me a clear windshield to look through and see His grace and love. He's given me the knowledge, desire and tools to build relationships and identify with others who are suffering. Our suffering actually does not belong to us, but it belongs to the Lord as well. It is an instrument for His purpose!

So, God has chosen me to receive His grace, but I know that is so that I can let others know about this gift. God has met me in my suffering and He can meet you too. Suffering is not just illness of the body - we live on earth, there is suffering, period. Over 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce, that's a huge population of suffering right there! The poor economy has left many homeless or with difficulty putting food on the table, more suffering there. Maybe you have an illness, maybe you don't...but I'm pretty sure you know what if feels like to suffer.

I challenge you today to look at God's grace in your life, no matter the circumstances. Not an easy task! What has He provided you with to live out His will for you? Are you answering His call? I'd love to hear how you've witnessed God's grace in your life!

xoxo,

Linda

"The Hardest Peace" by Kara Tippetts, a Woman whose words we should all meet!

Happy Sunday Friends!

After weeks of being homebound in a serious flare up, I've been able to spend so much quiet time with the Lord and allow him to stir my soul in the ways only He knew I needed.  What a blessing this time has been!  It's truly a blessing. 

Many people ask me how my physical suffering doesn't make me angry at God. I understand the question, but with a humble heart I tell them, it is not *MY* suffering. It doesn't even belong to me!  It is simply God using me as His child to accomplish His will. As long as I act in obedience to that, I am ok. Better than ok most days! And, yes, that even includes the times of utmost misery as I've recently found myself experiencing.

During this time, he has wiped away so many tears and fears and helped me to see the beauty in suffering. Often we go through our day and barely notice a beautiful flower in our path, let alone a beautiful soul walking along side of us. Have you ever had a sweet checker a the grocery store and you just knew they needed a word of encouragement?  That is beauty right there - the Holy Spirit communicating between two beings. What about  feeling so much physical pain you can hardly see, but God giving you the loving hug of your child...more beauty to be seen right there. It is everywhere and I am learning to see it more and more through my suffering. During this time of rest, the Lord lead me to start a closed FB Group for people in similar positions and seeing the fellowship take off and the gentle encouraging communications has shown me more of the beauty in suffering. God does not forsake us, he is near the broken hearted.

I am noticing beauty in every person I meet...in every struggle, in every hope, in every smile, in every frown. There is beauty everywhere. God is at work, breaking and remaking so many souls and more and more people are becoming like Jesus. How can I complain about being even just a small part of that? I can't. Sure, I may want (and even do!) to at my weaker moments, but God has already shown me too much.

I recently met the most beautiful woman - this woman I met through her words. Her name is Kara Tippetts and she has Blog called Mundane Faithfulness.  My Blog today is a tribute to the fabulous way God is using  her situation of pain and suffering to glorify Him. She is obedient every step of the way, yet honest in her human weaknesses. She is a tender hearted, passionate woman who loves the Lord, her family and ALL of us. I read her book in one night. Since then, I've re-read it two more times. The Book is called "The Hardest Peace", Expecting Grace in the Midst of Suffering and I highly suggest you pick up a copy and share it with anyone walking a difficult path.

"If I am going to see myself clearly, I need to hold the mirror of God's Word in front of me."

Paul David Tripp, Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands

Kara is a married mother of  four young children and she has stage 4 terminal cancer. In her own words, "I am dying". Yet, she is living while she is dying. She has no interest in the "Suicide Pill" Brittney Maynard is choosing - Kara wants to live out her final days, however many God will gift her with, and find beauty in her journey back to Him. Her and her husband speak openly about what challenges them during these final days with remarkable honesty and love. In the midst of their pain, they are sharing with others, ministering to people who may also be suffering but do not yet know God's mercy and grace, love and beauty. They are given so many divine appointments in which Kara and her husband are the hands and feet of Jesus and they have taken this calling seriously.

Kara's words are filled with love, mercy, understanding, humility, so much compassion. If I had the chance to meet her, I would hug her tightly and thank her for being such an obedient servant to God in her own pain. I would let her know she has helped me to shift my viewpoint from running away from suffering, to running toward it. To dig deeper, to seek God and all He wants from me at this time, no matter the how difficult that may be in the midst of a storm.  I see nothing but beauty coming from that.

                          "Give me the courage to stand the pain to get the grace."

Flannery O'Connor, A Prayer Journal

Kara asks people to move away from fear and control toward peace and grace. Now, I know this can easily apply to all of us with serious healthy struggles, but that is certainly not the only form of suffering, What about marriage issues, financial issues, trouble with a neighbor, etc?  Anytime we can move from fear and control to grace an peace, good things will happen!  

Lastly, never forget, we are not alone in this. EVER. I've experienced some "lonely" days - the days my husband just wasn't up to hearing any more about it, the days both my kids had playdates and I couldn't join, missed family functions etc...BUT, you know what? I always have God and He always meets me where I am at if am faithful enough to ask Him to. Afterall, what kind of Father would not help a child truly seeking guidance? Kara explains how He shapes even our unmet expectations into beauty. That thought alone helped me - I had so many expectations for myself at this point in my life. I had BIG dreams!  Knowing that those unmet expectations will too be used by God and turned into something even more beautiful, inspires and encourages me.

 

I have never met you Kara, but I love you...I love the way God designed you, the way He is working in and through you and the way you are allowing your story to be shared with the world. Thank you for opening up and sharing your story with us all Kara!

Dear Lord, I lift Kara and John Tippetts and their four beautiful children up to you today. Thank you for this beautiful family and the work you are doing in and through them. I know they hear news after news that can tear at their core, but I also know that we serve a God far bigger and than any cancer, diagnosis, pain and fear.  With that being said Lord, there are many hurting hearts that are pouring out to you over this family's situation. Please hear those cries, and bring continous peace and comfort to this beautiful family. They are your children Lord, we know this. Always help them to see your good news will always triumph over any medical news. May they have many days left to love each other and glorify you, Lord. 

In Jesus' Name I pray! AMEN

XOXO,

Linda

Brittany Maynard: Suicide vs Hope

Many of you have probably heard the story of Brittany Maynard, the 29 year old woman scheduled to take a pill to end her life on November 1st. Brittany has cancer, carrying the devastating prognosis of 6 months. Doctors have shared what she can expect over these 6 months and that image, seeing herself suffering, dependent on others, must have been enough to scare her...push her to what I would call suicude. This hurts my heart. 

Brittany wants to write the ending to a story in which someone else is the author - God. There's always the possibility of a miracle, what if God has a miracle in store for her? Many people can't wrap their head around that...but how about this? Brittany has many months to touch the lives of others, to create memories, to give and receive love.   Today, as I was driving home from the store, I prayed for Brittany. As I prayed, there were tears because I truly feel for this woman and I feel for her loved ones. I feel for them deeply.

You see, I am fortunate and unfortunate enough to understand a small part of what Brittany is feeling. My illness also carries a scary prognosis.  I have much much more than 6 months, God willing, but this time will likely not be without suffering. I choose not to look at what could happen because God only knows the course it will take. Some in my situation have lost their vision, hearing, use of a limb, ability to breath etc. Then of course there is vanity. Will I look different? Will I be in a wheelchair? I could go on and on. Fortunately I have not had to face anything extreme but it does linger out there as a very real possibility with my diagnosis.  I can put my trust in those statistics or I can put my trust in God, the Greatest Physician of all. I do not know if I will be healed physically but I do know I am already healed spiritually and emotionally and God has given me the strength to endure - some days I do more than endure, I thrive! 

It wasn't always this way. In the early days of my symptoms developing, I was terrified. I would wake up to tears and fall asleep to tears. The gut wrenching knot in my stomache was all based on fear. I was afraid of dying, leaving my young children, not having good care, what changes would happen in my body and on and on. I wanted to live SO badly but I almost wanted to die if I couldn't live the way I envisioned. I did not know God then - had I, my thoughts would have been very different.  Like Brittany has said, I wasn't "suicidal". I wanted to live, but if I had to suffer and be a burden those around me, maybe "suicide" was a good thing, better for everyone else and for my pride. Pride - that's a big thing to overcome. Thankfully God spoke to me in those early days. He showed me there would be a way and he led me right to Him, where He now carries my burdens for me. 

What I have learned through my own journey is that God is a God of grace. He meets us where we are at and that especially includes our times of suffering. I have grown more in my relationship with The Lord in the past year than I ever have and that is because of my suffering. Not just that, but I've connected with others all over the world and we've helped each other on this difficult journey. Friendships have blossomed and I don't mean "let's go to the mall" kind of friendships. I mean true spiritual connections, filled with love and understanding. So, yeah, it's tough. Really tough. But it can be glorious too - final days can be filled with love and hope, no matter how many days there are. Brittany is suffering, no doubt, and I would give anything for these words to reach her, because she too can have hope. 

Dear Brittany,

I am sorry for the position you find yourself in. I am sorry for the hurt, pain, fear, diagnosis, all of it. But, I am especially sorry to hear you are choosing to take a pill to end your precious life. I can only imagine what you are feeling, dealing with such personal matters in such a public way especially now that it has gone viral. But, Brittany, I want you to live, to live out the days God has planned for you.  To experience the tender love that can take place in your final days. To know that you are a valuable child of God. I want you to know you don't need to be afraid. God will meet you right where you are at if you ask him to. He can live in you today,  and you can have eternal life through Him.  First, you just need to choose to not end your life on November 1st. Go to your closest Bible based Christian Church. Speak with a pastor - let him share the Word of God with you. Let Him share hope with you! Allow God to stir things in you, to wake up the parts of your soul that your diagnosis has likely put to sleep. It is not too late to change your mind Brittany. People all over the world are praying for exactly that - that you change your mind and live out the final days God is gifting you with. 

With much love,

Linda 🌺

One of those days...

"Tracheitis (inflammation of the trachea) can be very serious...we have to increase the medication at least short term...rest, rest, rest...avoid large crowds...avoid sick people...avoid stress..." 

Sitting in the ER this morning and having this conversation with the doctor, my eyes glazed over a bit. Hearing these things can be daunting! I live on earth so avoiding these things is almost impossible!  That's what I shared with the doctor. His witty response...  "A collapsed airway will change your mind."  Ok, this just got real.

This disease is not "mine"...I don't claim it, take ownership of it or see a future with it.  It is simply something happening to my body right now and it may be slowing me down a bit, but I refuse to become it. Maybe I live in a fantasy land, but God has given me some peace with this disease following me around for a while.  With that being said, it is a very real disease, doing very real and progressive damage to my body, and it requires attention. Too much attention this past year.


ER visits are never fun, but I especially dread it when the Relapsing Polychondritis is flared up.  Most doctors have never seen a case of it and have to quickly research it before deciding what to do. That's a scary thought - me educating the doctor??  When the ER doctor tried to give me a particular pain pill, I had to remind him it interacts with my medication. His response. "Oh, you're right, we should avoid that". Not very comforting for the patient!

Not being able to let my guard down can be downright exhausting, yet also gives me a sense of control that is often lost to autoimmune patients. Afterall, our immune system is kicking our own backside so it's kind of hard to feel in control when that is happening! As a patient, you begin to recognize the flare ups often before they are detectable in bloodwork/imagining, etc.  This time my symptoms were brewing for a while, but the perfectionist in me just wanted to push through. You know, wait just another day before resorting to the heavy hitter medications. Maybe it will pass on it's own. That was a mistake on my part!

I just get tired -  tired of the doctors visits, the decisions about the medications, missing out on many social activities that I love, tired of waiting for remission.

AHA!!  Wait? Why wait? Remission may never come. Well, I certainly like to think it will come and deep in my heart I do feel it will. In the meantime, this is my life, my husband's life, my children's life... and we all need to live it and live it well!

So, increase the prednisone? OK, let's do it.  Rest? Ok, let's do it. Avoid sick people? OK, let's do it.  Avoid stress? Ok, let's do it.Well, I'll try.  Then again, is too much pressure to not stress causing stress in itself?? lol!  That's the life of an autoimmune patient. Those of you walking this same path know why I mean. It's like walking on a tightrope.

The one thing they didn't say is "Trust God".  That's not something you'll likely ever hear in a hospital setting because they aren't allowed to talk about religious beliefs with patients. I am certain it would have felt really great if my doctor said that. Just a simple statement of hope and reassurance.  God is so good though and on my way home, exhausted, I thought I'd make one stop at the grocery store to buy some easy to make things so I could squeeze in more rest without starving my family. To my surprise, I ran into a fabulous friend from church and we chatted for a bit. Now, keep in mind, I go to the grocery store about 5 days/week (sounds crazy, but I love fresh produce!) and have never run into her. AND this wasn't just anybody, this was someone who lives her life for the Lord. I would say that was a divine meeting. When she walks into room, you almost can see light around her. I never hear anything come from her mouth that doesn't feel like it's straight from the Lord. As soon as I saw her, I smiled inside, knowing God has this handled. We chatted a bit and although the conversation was light, it lifted whatever last bit of weight I was carrying from the hospital visit.  Thank you Lord...and thank you Jenny. :)



Getting well involves so much more than doctors, medications, eating clean, etc - it’s a journey. A journey to learn to trust God to heal your spirit, to show you His peace and His healing, however that may come. Sometimes it's spiritual or emotional healing, but not physical healing. We have no way of knowing how, when or why healing will come.

I would love to be in an instant remission, but I'm not and for now I have to accept that.  Although I am home resting, that doesn't mean I can't be productive. The Bible teaches there is a time for rest! Well, I guess God has decided this a time for rest for me. How I use that time is up to me.

This time I'll dig a little deeper. I'll set aside the books about Autoimmune illness, diets, recoveries, miracles, etc. I'm going to dig deep for healing.  Take a look at my pride, sins and fear. I'll break out my Bible, my journal and maybe a cup of tea and let God work in me.

So, that's what Graceful fight is all about.  Do what you have to do to handle the body - fight your illness any way you need to, but do it with God's grace.  So, yeah, I have my veggie juice and smoothies, fish oil, probiotics, medications, doctors, etc...but I also have something bigger: God and His plan.

Next time you find yourself stressing about your illness, take a moment to think about what I've said. Is obsessively trying to heal your body causing you more harm? Stressing you out? Making your head spin? If so, may I suggest you take some time to work on yourself spiritually and emotionally?  Seems to me that is when healing can come, on so many levels.
 
xoxo,
Linda 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Prov. 3:5&6

Is God Listening?!?

Wow. What an intense time it has been for me. Wow. 

Somehow, while the beautiful sun was shining all around town (we live in sunny California!), it was a massive storm in our house. My immune system was the storm and there was no escaping it since it calls my body home. It has permanent residence, so I do my best to live in harmony with this wayward guest. It got the best of me recently and I'm sharing that with you today. I decided to be very transparent when I started this blog, so I am taking a deep breath and opening up with y'all!

Many months ago God put some amazing things on my heart. He began using me to serve in ways I never dreamed of and that gave me such much joy. Then the flare up (symptoms in autoimmune illness) that lingered as just a shadow for a while gained some momentum and sidelined me from the projects I was working on. I was dealing with too many symptoms to post here - and besides, I get tired of seeing the list and giving the illness any power. Let's just say the symptoms were enough to keep me on the couch for the past couple of weeks, medicated around the clock. Ugh. I don't like sitting around much and I really don't like medications at all. I guess it what is referred to as a necessary evil in my situation at times. I was sidelined but awake enough to have a busy mind (a weakness of mine!) and unfortunately I was medicated just enough to make my mind weak so thoughts could wander.

What if I get worse? Was the treatment path I chose the wrong one? Will this flare ever end? Will it leave permanent damage? Will my husband stay strong through it? Is this a roadblock from God? Did I do something wrong? Have I not been hearing God in the way I thought I was? OH NO! Is God even listening?

I have not felt an emotional pain like that in a long time.  True heartache. I mean, why would God stop me from serving HIM?

I rested...prayed through tears...rested some more...studied His word...prayed and just braced myself through the storm.  For those few days, for the first time in months, it was as if the prayers were falling on deaf ears. IS GOD LISTENING?

The physical pain and limitations were enough, but to take my purpose too? I prayed a simple prayer..."God, show me what YOU want me to see." Nothing. Then, "God, take the pain way just so I can pick my kids up at school." Nothing. Then, "God, I don't get it. I am here to serve you. Please allow me to." Nothing. Finally, awake at 4:00am yesterday, I brought out the big guns! "God, I need your help. I TRUST YOU, I will serve you in any way you ask. I will listen. I will obey and I will praise you in all of this."  There was not answer shouted back, no blow horns, just a simple feeling in my heart that it was time to reach out to my pastor for guidance. (nbcsj.org) I sent him a very honest e-mail, letting him know what was going on and about my struggles. I received an e-mail back with exactly what I needed. God is so good - He gave me exactly what I needed in that moment. I also felt the need to open up to my husband. In doing so, God gave me even more of what I needed...my husband's total support and encouragement. WOW. Things were looking up.

As the day went on, my thoughts became purposeful and positive. I began to see what a great opportunity this current struggle was for growth, to grow closer to God and to learn more about His grace in suffering.  I know longer resisted the suffering, I accepted it. I immersed myself in it actually. I knew it was His plan for me at the time, so it was the perfect plan!  I still required heavy pain medication, had no appetite and was exhausted. But, the fear and questions...poof! Gone! HE WAS LISTENING!

I went to bed last night in pain, but only physical pain and you know what? That was totally ok. I woke up this morning in pain and that was totally ok too! I even canceled a doctor's appointment today because I needed one day to NOT focus on my body. I had a wonderful day with my husband. We didn't do anything exciting, but we were excited! We were excited that we survived some difficult days - that were able to turn to God, each other and our Church family. It was as if a big earthqauke just ended and although there are some afterchocks, we are feeling safe in the comfort of God's promises. 

When I reflect on the last few days, I see that I kept turning to God even when I didn't think He was listening.  But you know what? I'm so thankful that I was able to do that because HE WAS LISTENING...it was me who wasn't. Satan wants us to give up when we don't hear a quick answer, however God rewards our patience and faith. I wasn't listening and I'm a bit ashamed to admit that. Maybe I was afraid of what I would hear. Maybe I was frustrated and acted like a child angry at a parent. I don't really know to be honest. 

Here is what I do know - 

GOD LISTENS
Isaiah 30:19 He will be very gracious to you at the voice of your cry; when He shall hear it, He will answer you.

GOD ANSWERS IN HIS TIMIMG
Isaiah 40:31 But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.

EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK!
Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

If you are struggling, turn to God.  If you don't hear an answer, keep turning to God. If you are angry at God, let Him know. Remember He knows anyway so there is no reason to be anything other than yourself with Him.  If you are ready to praise God, do that too! Finally, know that if you turn to God, everything will be OK!

I'll leave you with a poem I came across today called There are Blessings in Everything by Helen Steiner Rice.


Blessings come in many guises
That God alone devises.
And sickness, which we dread so much,
Can bring a very healing touch,
For often on the wings of pain
The peace before we sought in vain
Will come to us with sweet surprise,
For God is merciful and wise...
And through long hours of tribulation
God gives us time for meditation,
And no sickness can be counted loss
That teaches us to bear our cross.

 xoxo,
Linda

A Life Changing Emergency Kit (and post stem cell update!)

There are so many types of Emergency Kits.  If you've watched the news recently, you've likely heard frantic people talking about Earthquake Survival Kits. If you have children in school, you've probably sent an Emergency Pack for your child and have a First Aid Kit at home.  If you drive a car, I'm sure there's a spare tire hidden somewhere.  Even something as small as damaged eyeglasses are often prepared for with an Eyeglass Repair Kit stashed in a drawer.

But what about preparing for the all too common waves that are guaranteed to crash in the ocean of life at some point? Illness, loss of a job, death of a loved one...just to name a few.

I know a little something about this! When the waves of illness came crashing down on my life 5 years ago I was not prepared. I had a fantastic childhood, a great family & great friends and a rewarding career. Even having everything desirable according to society standards, I was not prepared for what came my way. Although I was able to offer an outward smile, many days were tainted by the internal struggles that led to night time tears. I never learned how to cope. There I was, in the biggest storm of my life, and no Emergency Kit. There was nothing I could cling to treat the fear in my heart and no bandaids for the hopelessness that ate away at my soul.  I relied heavily on my own strength, trying to awaken the "good attitude" I always had. It was isolating and exhausting.

I'm sure my ego preferred I avoid the vulnerability it took to call on God, to reach out to family and friends.  I chose a path that has taken more courage and humility to look honestly at myself. To make changes to my behavior and allow for change.

After several years of walking a tightrope and barely hanging on, I thought this can't possibly be my life now! There has to be something more.

I made many changes in my life over the last few years. The biggest change is I began going to church and eventually developed a relationship with God. That answered the question about "something more" for me and has forever changed the course of my life in the most miraculous way. I also invested more into relationships with people, making true connections. I started writing in a Gratitude Journal even on the days I took me hours to find something I felt thankful for.  I also got down to the basic foundation of modifying sleeping and eating habits. I grew tired of all the traditional doctors,tests and medicine so I found natural therapies such as Acupuncture to help during the more stressful time.  Little did I know I was building my very own Emergency Kit! One that would come in handy over and over. It is an Emotional/Coping Emergency Kit of sorts.  It's what I have clinged to for more than just survival, it has brought me to a life of joy again.

It is also more practically, what has kept me in a really good state of mind during a really terrible week!  After months of excitement building up to my Stem Cell treatment and experiencing a fabulous week of normalcy after the procedure, BAM! A Relapsing Polychondritis flare. A flare in this disease can mean many things, but for me right now, it means painful joints, muscles and tendons from head to toe, spine and neck pain leading to a headache, neurological symptoms such as twitches and more pain, loss of appetite, eye pain and inflamed, blistered cartilage in the ears. OUCH. That may all sound terrible and it certainly is, but thanks to my Emergency Kit, it's doable. Imagine adding a complete broken heart, lonliness, fear, insecurities and defeat!  In the past, those feelings would have been added to my already tough list of symptoms and consumed me.  I'm thankful that I have my Kit and that I've learned how to manage this illness in a way that allows me to enjoy life even on the worst days and I mainly just feel affected physically.  I'd be lying if I said I am never afraid. I feel the fire of fear often actually, but I have learned how to put out the flames quickly.

I was pretty emotional when I arrived at the doctor's office yesterday. I was in a lot of pain and the inflammation in my ears reminded me of a scary movie, worsening right before my eyes. I was disappointed in myself for feeling emotional, which made it a vicious cycle. I prayed and asked God for help, instinctively I asked Him to help me be okay with whatever His plan was. A peace quickly washed over me and we got down to business.

My doctor had a guest doctor visiting from Portland, a well respected Chinese Medicine Doctor/Naturopath so I was very fortunate. They both agreed I was in a flare that needed to be managed but that treating it naturally was ideal to allow the Stem Cells to keep working in the proper environment. They explained that the very cells that will be helping me are causing the flare. As long as we can control the flare, it's actually a GOOD thing. The cells are stimulating my immune system (although too much) and they'll soon learn their mistake and begin modulating my system. It's training ground for them in a sense and more common than not in treating Autoimmune Disease. He treated me with acupuncture yesterday and suggested that I rest for a few days in an effort to calm my system and avoid increasing any pharmaceutical drugs. My doctor said it will be a "saw toothed" approach with me. That means expected ups and downs as we work toward our goal, but at least with my Emergency Kit, the ups and downs should mainly be physical which is far more tolerable to me (and my family, lol!).  He expects if all things go well, my system will begin to regulate (partially) about 2-6 months post stem cells, so I have a ways to go! Since I'll be repeating the procedure one to two more times, it will be a long road but i'm ready! Well, maybe it's time to develop more patience - I could certainly add that to my Kit!

Are you prepared for the storms that will come in your life? You are far more likely to experience pain, loss and fear than experience a natural disaster so if you've taken care to prepare for the next Earthquake or broken eyeglasses, maybe it's time to evaluate how ready you are for anything else life can throw at you.

What's in your Emotional/Coping Emergency Kit?

The End of The Rope

Have you ever felt at the end of your rope? You know, the day that your child spills fruit punch on your new white couch, that cost of an unexpected car repair when the bank account is already dry, loss of a loved one, or something I know a little about...a new symptom or diagnosis that leaves you barely hanging on to that rope? Maybe it's physical pain or emotional pain that taxes you. There are endless ways we suffer in this thing we call life, but is it true that what really matters is how we respond to the suffering?

Robin Williams' suicide deeply affected me because although I don't suffer from chronic depression ( I suffer from a serious and progressive autoimmune disorder), I do understand it in some way. I understand the feeling of not being able to see beyond pain and fear - of reaching for anything to escape the feelings I didn't want and I say this with a tear in my eye - a life I didn't want. I want everyone, no matter your situation, to be filled with hope and I write this today in honor of Robin Williams and his loved ones.

As a highly independent gal, my symptoms and ultimate diagnosis really sent me to rock bottom. At that time it was hard to imagine the way it would change my life and the life of my husband and children. I was angry. "WHY ME?" I wasn't ready to give up life as I knew it and certainly wasn't open to my life going any other way than the way I had planned it for the last 40 years! I had some fantastic plans for myself, or so I thought.

Sitting home alone 5 years ago, processing what was happening to my body, I just cried. I didn't turn to God initially. Where did I turn for comfort? I turned to my husband. That went great for a while! We hugged, cried, laughed and talked about what was next. It all felt like a dream, very temporary at that time. Symptoms progressed and we soon were lost in an avalanche of doctor's appointments and medical tests that left me heart broken and scared with no answers (and left my husband thinking his wife needed a psychologist!)  It was an intense time that I still have a hard time thinking about, let alone sharing with others.  There were a lot of tears, a lot of arguing and a lot of both of us feeling helpless.

As things progressed, I realized I still had a role - I was a wife and mom. I had two toddlers who needed their mom. A husband who wanted the woman he married.  I began to get angry with God. That is how I first turned to Him - it was in anger. How can this be? You brought me the love of my life, gave me these miracles, two children who need a mother.   Why aren't you letting me be the wife and mom I want to be? WHY ME? 

With no real treatment for my illness and life continuing to move forward all around me, I just decided to keep on keepin' on. It was one day at a time, often one moment at a time. I would do my best to just blend in with the crowd and was always trying to find the next thing to guide me towards some real hope. I was rarely fully present, with the dark cloud of my illness shadowing me constantly.

When I didn't feel I could turn to my husband, I still had some great friends I would turn to and I always felt better after I talked to them. Talking with my friends was a band-aid fix though and we all know band-aids usually fall off. I am so thankful for my family and friends, but I needed more.  I should clarify that I have wonderful friends and a wonderful husband - it was just a very "un-wonderful" situation and time in our lives.   I'm a doer, so I mainly turned to special diets, meditation, guided imagery CD's and actually any alternative practice I could find that had promises of an ounce of hope for taking away my fear or ideally a cure. I remember searching on "Meetups" for any events that focused on healing, hope, health. I went to several and it never felt right. I was searching....searching....searching.  I would have stood on my head and ate bananas upside down if there was any hope in it!

I was raised by fabulous parents and had a great family life, but I was not raised in a Christian household. I was never taught to turn to God, but from a young age, in the privacy of my room, I often did. I didn't know what, when or why...I just knew that's where I would reach for comfort. I knew there was something bigger.

My husband and I decided to find a Christian church in the area and I really wanted to go! At the time, very honestly, I just wanted some peace that if I were to die, that I would get to see my family again. I know that sounds extreme,  but I needed to know that at the time. We began going to church and one day when I went alone, I broke down in tears. The sermon was about suffering and struck a chord with me - it was as if a small layer was peeled off, just enough for the pain to seep through.  I had an opportunity to spend some time with a wonderful woman after service and she too had a chronic illness. She lovingly shared her story with me and made it a point to share the unwavering hope she has because of her faith. We went over what it means to have a relationship with God and right then, we prayed together and I decided to continue a relationship with God, although I didn't fully understand what that meant at the time. I certainly didn't know I had just received the most amazing, perfect and valuable gift.  That was a few years ago and since then, God has continued to open my eyes. It has been a slow process, I guess I wasn't very cooperative in the beginning! This past year when I finally couldn't do it alone any longer, I truly called out to Him and He didn't disappoint.  I now know he mourns with me when I mourn, that He delights in impossibilities and that I don't need to be fearful of my health (or anything!) when I live my life according to His will.

Do I pray for healing? Yes. But I also know that if I pray and healing does not come, it's ok! God will use me and use my situation to encourage others and being able to do that is a blessing in itself.  I know God has the final say, not me. I do believe God can and sometimes does heal people in miraculous ways, but the Bible never says He will heal everyone who comes to Him, even in faith. He always wants what is best for us, but sometimes what's best may be physically and emotional hardships that drive us closer to Him.
 

 God met me at the end of my rope and has helped me climb back up to more than just safety. He took me to some very solid ground where I now live fully and with joy. Do I still have the same illness? Yes. The difference is, God has shown me the beauty of living my life with a purpose, of living my life to fulfill a purpose set out by HIM, not me. What or who do you turn to when you are at the end of your rope?  Did you know Jesus will meet you there?

John 16:24 - You haven't done this before. Ask, using my name, and you will receive, and you will have abundant joy.

195 millions stem cells...and some tears!

I was in the waiting room (Playfully called the Red Room and I'm guessing that has to do with the big red recliners in there!) after the liposuction part of the process, sitting back and peacefully soaking it all in while my husband dozed off next to me. There was alot to soak in after anticipating this day for months! Well, I wasn't literally sitting back because the doctor chose my backside for the liposuction. Ouch! The doctor peeked in with wider eyes than I had seen him express in the past and said he had an important picture I should capture. Without putting any thought into it, I followed him and his sweet nurse Sarah, back to the room. He showed me a piece of equipment, not much bigger than an iPad, and told me to take a picture of it. Then he had me zoom in on the numbers and take that picture as well.

I should mention my doctor is incredible at what he does and he is one of the kindest and most compassionate doctors I've worked with. He is also very gentle and soft spoken and I would not expect him to show a huge outward sign of excitement other than a kind smile, but definitely no cartwheels! After taking some photos, the conversation went something like this...

Doctor: "Linda, you produced 195 million stem cells!"  (That is in 50cc of fat)
Me: "Great!" (having no idea what that actually meant)
Doctor:  "That's a very good result!"
Me: "That's wonderful." (still not comprehending the significance)
Nurse: "That is amazing. Really fantastic!"
Me: "What do you mean? That's good? How so? What numbers do you normally see? I'm not sure I understand." I think that came out in one big blundered sentence because my thoughts were moving faster than my mouth could catch up to. I knew something amazing was happening...
Nurse: Putting her hands on my shoulders and looking directly in my eyes, "Linda, this is incredible. Really incredible. I am so happy for you." All through her tears. Lots of tears. It welled up inside me as well and the tears flowed. It was a pretty powerful moment that I will never forget.

They began to explain the numbers in more detail and I learned 195 million is the highest count they have ever seen, by millions. Sometimes they only see 20 million as a matter of fact. The significance is all those cells have a job to do in my body in upcoming weeks/months so I see it like this:  If you have a big job/project to complete, do you want the help of a small crew or a large crew? BINGO, a large crew! Well, I had those pure little cells all put back into my body via an IV to do a job  -  modulate my immune system. I am happy to announce I now have a very large crew of stem cells floating around and hopefully finding their targets over the next few months.

I found myself wondering, was it the daily wheatgrass shot? Did that make a difference? Afterall, I am anemic and have trouble producing enough red blood cells which could be a problem. Or, perhaps cutting out gluten really did help. That may make my diet worth it because I sure do miss my gluten! Then, could it be my age? That's a nice thought. Maybe being over 40 isn't so old afterall. My mind has been in a pretty good place so I wondered,  Hmmm...maybe the mind does have something to do with all this. Then I remembered the high dose vitamin C IV I received the day before. That could surely be it!  The doctor gave me the facts on my numbers but he couldn't put a finger on why mine were so high. "A combination of things" was his take.

I went back to the "Red Room" and my husband was still sleeping. I was processing what just happened while fixing my make up in the mirror (note to self, wear waterproof mascara on days like this), when the nurse walked back in and just hugged me, again through tears. She couldn't believe the numbers and being the weepy gals we were, my husband woke up and got the news. My very non weepy hubby was weepy by then as well. The nurse left and we prayed, thanking God. YES! We thanked God. We didn't thank the vitamin C or the wheatgrass, my age or my mind, we thanked GOD.

I laughed at myself for a moment, realizing I was looking at the wrong things to credit! Sure, that's all good stuff and I love what the wheatrgrass etc does for my body, but I have reached a point in my medical care where not a single decision is made by me without thoughtful prayer. Let me tell you, when dealing with chronic health issues and so many decisions on a daily basis, that thoughtful prayer has been such a blessing. It hasn't just been my prayers, especially lately. I am so appreciative of all my prayer warriors out there - those prayers are being heard!

God has been and is guiding my steps. Sooooo, if that wheatgrass had anything to do with it, well, God gets credit for it.  If the Vitamin C had anything to do with it, God worked that out too. As a matter of fact, I was suppose to receive an ozone treatment (oxygen) the day before but the doctor decided to do vitamin C instead.  He had very specific reasons for that change and I quickly prayed about it and agreed with the plan wholeheartedly. God gets credit for that too!

So, what do I credit for that stem cell army my body produced? I simply credit God because that was part of His plan.  I am hopeful for healing, but I am even more confident that God's plans will come to fruition no matter what. So, now we wait and see, continue to pray and seek God's guidance as we monitor results over the next few months...and, yes, I will continue the other parts of my care such as daily wheatgrass shots, as long as I feel God is guiding those steps as well.

Who is guiding your steps? It doesn't have to take something as serious as my situation to reach out and ask God for help. He is always there...waiting for you to call His name. The next time you find yourself saying "Thank God!" about anything, notice WHO you thanked. I've never heard anyone say "Thank Wheatgrass!". 

xoxo,
Linda