Do you suffer in Silence?

Do you Suffer in Silence?  I did and let me tell you, it was painful! I opened up a bit here and there, but I mainly chose to carry the burden quietly. Why would I choose that?  I had many reasons at the time.

First, I didn't want to be seen differently. I didn't want people to associate me with an awful illness. Perhaps that was the perfectionist in me - because this illness is anything but perfect.

Next, I didn't want to really admit even to myself it was real. I always felt that the illness didn't belong with me and it would eventually just disappear. Can I tell you a secret?  I still feel that way. This illness is so far from a part of me and who I am...it really just doesn't  feel like it belongs with me.

Lastly, I tried to escape the illness. I forced myself to do the things I would have done prior to the illness in an attempt to feel like my old self.

I would suffer in silence mainly in an attempt to feel and be perceived as "normal".

But, what is "normal"? According to the dictionary, it is:

 1. to act in accordance or harmony; comply: to conform to rules.  

2. to act in accord with the prevailing standards, attitudes, practices, etc., of society or a group:

 

Based on the definitions above, I guess I didn't feel like I met the standards I had for myself or society had for me.  That's certainly a depressing thought!

Let's fast forward to now though. Since sharing my story, I have had the opportunity to:

 - Love and be loved more deeply

 - Have deep and personal conversations with so many people each day

 - See some of God's plan for my life (exciting stuff!) 

 - Develop a closer relationship with God

 - Help others in similar situations 

 - Find new and exciting hobbies that work around my body issues

 - See the small miracles and blessings in every day

 - Have more joyful time with my family

 - etc...

 

So, if I compare my normal of pre-illness and my normal of now, I'd happily choose now.  I'm actually a bit embarrassed of my past normal. I would spend many hours in the gym, at the mall, at the clubs, etc. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with those things! I am just saying my life is fuller now, on so many levels. Today, right now, I am where God wants me to be. Because of that, I am also where I want to be. 

I was talking to a wonderful gal recently and she shared some of her health issues and marital problems with me. I was looking at this beautiful woman with such a broken heart and I realized I am so blessed that God has brought me to such a place of peace (happiness actually!). Although it was a painful conversation for her and tears were shed, I was glad she opened up and could share her burden with me because I know firsthand what that can do for someone. It is my hope that sharing my story can help others have the courage to open up with people in their life, share their burdens and find comfort in fellowship. Ultimately, the true physician and healer of the body, mind and soul, is God and I always turn to Him first and last and suggest that to others as well.  Sometimes a gal also wants a hug or a chat over coffee though, so I am very thankful God knows that and has sent me some fabulous friends. Y'all know who you are so thank you for being there, always!

Here's my little secret...give a little more of yourself, challenge yourself to open up even just a little and you will be surprised at what comes back to you. People feel compelled to share in return, to give of themselves, and bonds are made an strengthened in an instant! I'd love to hear your experiences with this. Do you share your burdens? How do you feel when others share them with you? 

Where do I get the Strength to Live my Life?

Hello Sweet Friends!
The title of this blog is "Where do I get the Strength to Live my Life"...the reason I chose that is I am asked by more people than I can count, how it is that I can live this difficult life with a big smile. I understand the question, because if I look at the health situation i'm in, it's terrible. No way to sugar coat that diagnosis!

Lucky for me, I have a source of strength that gives me exactly what I need to face each day, whatever that day may bring. Don't get me wrong, I haven't always gone to the source! I tried to handle it alone and when that didn't work,  I tried to just lean on family and friends...then when that wasn't enough, I broke down. That was a very difficult and painful time in my life. I can share about it openly now, because I have all the strength I believe I will ever need to handle what lies ahead. Here's the thing... it's not MY strength.

Once I was able to see my weaknesses, I was able to recognize the strength only God can provide. I recently read that the strength of God flowing through you puts you on solid ground. I am thankful after years of stumbling through my life, I am now on solid ground.

The very simple yet huge answer to the question about where I get my strength is - God. Period. 


"In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." - 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Yep! You read that right. The bible doesn't say in "some things"...it's says "in everything".   I am thankful for where I am at in my life, no matter what the problems in my body are. I read that same verse over a year ago and I just couldn't relate. I wasn't ready at that time and I thank God everyday that I am ready now.   I no longer fear the difficult situation I'm in and there is only one reason - my faith in God. Does that mean I have faith there will be a healing miracle? No. BUT, it does mean I have faith that if it is God's will, there absolutely can be a miracle and I'd certainly welcome it!




I am living a life I could not possibly live without Him. He has shown me things I never imagined possible and my hope for you is that you too put your faith in Him and ask for His guidance, blessings and protection. Your life will never be the same. ;)

xoxo,
Linda

How much of your life do you really share?

Wow. So much has changed in the last month since opening up. Wow. That's an understatement! 

Although I still have the nervous stomach from making a private battle so public, I don't regret it. I have smiled more in the last month that I did in the last year! 

Here are the pros I've seen.  Well, some of them! It could be a very long list. :) 

Deeper friendships

Seeing people come together for a common cause

The lesson for my children

My family has become closer 

A newfound purpose

A stronger faith

That's a lot of goodness in just one month's time!

Each of those pros could be it's very own Blog, but today I'm focused on "deeper friendships".  I've been thinking about this topic a lot lately since I've always been a social but private person. It's not always easy to let your guard down, or to be seen as less than perfect. 

Sure, some friends may run for the hills if they don't feel comfortable and that's totally ok, because I've found a much larger percentage of people have run toward me. People want to know, they want to understand and many want to help. I've received offers for anything from watching my kids, helping around the house, bringing meals to help with fundraising events, etc. Thankfully I'm doing well and I'm able to do all of the above except one that would have been impossible to do by myself. That's the fundraising events!

One day I received a call from a friend and she wanted to organize some sort of themed 5k Run. Yep, you Kara! :) It was far beyond just words and wanting to help - she became a soldier and was ready to make it happen! We agreed to research it a bit and very soon after I received another call from her. She had talked through it with other folks and thought it would be better to combine some smaller fundraising ideas and make it one big event that would be fun for all!  Guess what came out of that?? A huge Family Fun Day event in the park. Huge! Almost a mini carnival! 

Every step of the way we've communicated, I've shed some tears, we've laughted, many people have joined in, and deeper friendships have been born! These people that have jumped on board so willingly have stolen my heart. (I know you know who you are! xoxo) 

As a gal who is big on teaching my children how to have a heart for serving others, it never occurred to me one of their greatest lessons would be from people reaching out to our very own little family! At this time, I don't have the words to express the level of gratitude I feel for all of these people - that will have to come later! 

I do want to take the opportunity to say this.... Don't be afraid to open up and be real with people in your life. You might be surprised about what will come of it! Sure I still get that nervous stomach but it's nothing compared to the the heartache I felt before! Nothing a little hug from one of my kids or a cup of chamomile tea can't handle. Lol! 

Today I challenge you to be a little more open with even just one person in your life! See what happens in that relationship, see how much lighter you can feel.

I'd love to hear what comes out of it so don't forget to share your story! 

xoxo,

Linda 🌺

Ozone Therapy and New Friends!

Hello there and a Happy 4th to you and yours!

I've been having a flare up in my nerves and joints so I went to Anatara Medicine yesterday for Ozone Therapy. It's important that I keep my body in the best state possible to get the most out of the upcoming Stem Cell procedure!  In Ozone Therapy some blood is removed and pure oxygen is added to it. It then is put back in intravenously and can have some amazing results. Immediately after I can breath a little deeper and as it works it's magic, bacterial and viral loads are reduced, inflammation is reduced and energy is improved!  The biggest blessing was a much needed great night's sleep last night!  My pain has also lessened although it isn't gone. I'll be going back to SF on Monday for one more ozone treatment so hopefully it knocks out the last of the inflammation!


Besides a great day with my family in the City, the highlight of my day was speaking with another patient, Ellen, during the Ozone Therapy. We are all in a room similar to Dialysis so it's a wonderful time of chatting and bonding.  Ellen is a beautiful, vibrant and kind woman who happens to be battling Breast Cancer.  Her doctors recommended surgery and all the traditional treatments however after weighing the pros and cons she decided to go the natural route. For her this includes Ozone Therapy, Vitamin C drips, CBD Oil (Medical marijuana with no psychoactive components, etc). She is doing amazing and is healthier than she was before she was diagnosed. Her blood markers show huge improvements in the cancer and she will have an MRI on Monday where she will learn how much the tumors have shrunk. It was such an encouragement to meet this marvelous woman! Although our health situations are very different, we're members of the same club in wanting to be well without all the awful side effects in traditional medicine. She walks a very courageous path and I was honored to spend some time talking with her! If you read this Ellen, thank you for sharing a bit about your story with me. Congratulations on an amazing recovery and best wishes to you!

For all of you who are battling your own health issues, be encouraged! If you know someone struggling with something similar, be an encouragement to them. It is stories like this that help people so much!

xoxo,
Linda

My first blog!

Wow, I can't believe I am sitting here writing this. It's all a bit overwhelming! My family and I fought is battle privately for so long, until it just got to be too much. If I knew then what I know now, I would have definitely opened up much sooner!  Something beautiful happens when you open yourself up a bit... Many friendships have become stronger and I am seeing so much goodness (awesome-ness actually!) in so many people. I am truly thankful and so blessed.

Speaking of the awesome-ness.... Some wonderful people in my life have been working very hard to put together a fundraiser for my treatment! It is shaping up to be a really fun event for the whole family and I am looking forward to a great time, seeing old friends and making new friends. 

Here's the scoop:

Date: Saturday July 19th

Time: 10:00am (meet for a short Community Walk); circle back to park for FUN! From 11:00am - 2:30-ish

Location: Paul Moore Park (aka - Cherry Park)

Some of the activities you can look forward to:

BBQ

Several Carnival Games (hole-in-one miniature golf, skeetball, bean bag toss...)

Kids' Craft Table

Bouncy Slide

Popcorn Machine & Cotton Candy Machine

Bake Sale/Cake Walk

Silent Auction (exciting stuff! Gift cards, gift baskets, local services such as swim lessons, dance lessons etc, a camp site at Yosemite...and much more!

Lots of great people to chat with too. :) 

A very special thank you to everyone who is helping to pull the event together. Your kindness has warmed my heart beyond what words can express! 

Several people have contacted me asking for ways to help... Kara is managing a volunteer list and can be reached at walk4linda@yahoo.com. As of today, we are in need of a few things such as individual bag chips, drinks, baked sale goods and a few other things. If you e-mail Kara she can give you more details. Thank you so much. 

I look forward to seeing you on the 19th!  If you have a green shirt you've been itching to wear, this is the day! Since green is symbolic of happiness & blessings, we couldn't think of any better theme. ;)

It is sure to be a day filled with happiness & blessings!

Xo,

Linda