Do you suffer in Silence?

Do you Suffer in Silence?  I did and let me tell you, it was painful! I opened up a bit here and there, but I mainly chose to carry the burden quietly. Why would I choose that?  I had many reasons at the time.

First, I didn't want to be seen differently. I didn't want people to associate me with an awful illness. Perhaps that was the perfectionist in me - because this illness is anything but perfect.

Next, I didn't want to really admit even to myself it was real. I always felt that the illness didn't belong with me and it would eventually just disappear. Can I tell you a secret?  I still feel that way. This illness is so far from a part of me and who I am...it really just doesn't  feel like it belongs with me.

Lastly, I tried to escape the illness. I forced myself to do the things I would have done prior to the illness in an attempt to feel like my old self.

I would suffer in silence mainly in an attempt to feel and be perceived as "normal".

But, what is "normal"? According to the dictionary, it is:

 1. to act in accordance or harmony; comply: to conform to rules.  

2. to act in accord with the prevailing standards, attitudes, practices, etc., of society or a group:

 

Based on the definitions above, I guess I didn't feel like I met the standards I had for myself or society had for me.  That's certainly a depressing thought!

Let's fast forward to now though. Since sharing my story, I have had the opportunity to:

 - Love and be loved more deeply

 - Have deep and personal conversations with so many people each day

 - See some of God's plan for my life (exciting stuff!) 

 - Develop a closer relationship with God

 - Help others in similar situations 

 - Find new and exciting hobbies that work around my body issues

 - See the small miracles and blessings in every day

 - Have more joyful time with my family

 - etc...

 

So, if I compare my normal of pre-illness and my normal of now, I'd happily choose now.  I'm actually a bit embarrassed of my past normal. I would spend many hours in the gym, at the mall, at the clubs, etc. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with those things! I am just saying my life is fuller now, on so many levels. Today, right now, I am where God wants me to be. Because of that, I am also where I want to be. 

I was talking to a wonderful gal recently and she shared some of her health issues and marital problems with me. I was looking at this beautiful woman with such a broken heart and I realized I am so blessed that God has brought me to such a place of peace (happiness actually!). Although it was a painful conversation for her and tears were shed, I was glad she opened up and could share her burden with me because I know firsthand what that can do for someone. It is my hope that sharing my story can help others have the courage to open up with people in their life, share their burdens and find comfort in fellowship. Ultimately, the true physician and healer of the body, mind and soul, is God and I always turn to Him first and last and suggest that to others as well.  Sometimes a gal also wants a hug or a chat over coffee though, so I am very thankful God knows that and has sent me some fabulous friends. Y'all know who you are so thank you for being there, always!

Here's my little secret...give a little more of yourself, challenge yourself to open up even just a little and you will be surprised at what comes back to you. People feel compelled to share in return, to give of themselves, and bonds are made an strengthened in an instant! I'd love to hear your experiences with this. Do you share your burdens? How do you feel when others share them with you?