Many of you have probably heard the story of Brittany Maynard, the 29 year old woman scheduled to take a pill to end her life on November 1st. Brittany has cancer, carrying the devastating prognosis of 6 months. Doctors have shared what she can expect over these 6 months and that image, seeing herself suffering, dependent on others, must have been enough to scare her...push her to what I would call suicude. This hurts my heart.
Brittany wants to write the ending to a story in which someone else is the author - God. There's always the possibility of a miracle, what if God has a miracle in store for her? Many people can't wrap their head around that...but how about this? Brittany has many months to touch the lives of others, to create memories, to give and receive love. Today, as I was driving home from the store, I prayed for Brittany. As I prayed, there were tears because I truly feel for this woman and I feel for her loved ones. I feel for them deeply.
You see, I am fortunate and unfortunate enough to understand a small part of what Brittany is feeling. My illness also carries a scary prognosis. I have much much more than 6 months, God willing, but this time will likely not be without suffering. I choose not to look at what could happen because God only knows the course it will take. Some in my situation have lost their vision, hearing, use of a limb, ability to breath etc. Then of course there is vanity. Will I look different? Will I be in a wheelchair? I could go on and on. Fortunately I have not had to face anything extreme but it does linger out there as a very real possibility with my diagnosis. I can put my trust in those statistics or I can put my trust in God, the Greatest Physician of all. I do not know if I will be healed physically but I do know I am already healed spiritually and emotionally and God has given me the strength to endure - some days I do more than endure, I thrive!
It wasn't always this way. In the early days of my symptoms developing, I was terrified. I would wake up to tears and fall asleep to tears. The gut wrenching knot in my stomache was all based on fear. I was afraid of dying, leaving my young children, not having good care, what changes would happen in my body and on and on. I wanted to live SO badly but I almost wanted to die if I couldn't live the way I envisioned. I did not know God then - had I, my thoughts would have been very different. Like Brittany has said, I wasn't "suicidal". I wanted to live, but if I had to suffer and be a burden those around me, maybe "suicide" was a good thing, better for everyone else and for my pride. Pride - that's a big thing to overcome. Thankfully God spoke to me in those early days. He showed me there would be a way and he led me right to Him, where He now carries my burdens for me.
What I have learned through my own journey is that God is a God of grace. He meets us where we are at and that especially includes our times of suffering. I have grown more in my relationship with The Lord in the past year than I ever have and that is because of my suffering. Not just that, but I've connected with others all over the world and we've helped each other on this difficult journey. Friendships have blossomed and I don't mean "let's go to the mall" kind of friendships. I mean true spiritual connections, filled with love and understanding. So, yeah, it's tough. Really tough. But it can be glorious too - final days can be filled with love and hope, no matter how many days there are. Brittany is suffering, no doubt, and I would give anything for these words to reach her, because she too can have hope.
Dear Brittany,
I am sorry for the position you find yourself in. I am sorry for the hurt, pain, fear, diagnosis, all of it. But, I am especially sorry to hear you are choosing to take a pill to end your precious life. I can only imagine what you are feeling, dealing with such personal matters in such a public way especially now that it has gone viral. But, Brittany, I want you to live, to live out the days God has planned for you. To experience the tender love that can take place in your final days. To know that you are a valuable child of God. I want you to know you don't need to be afraid. God will meet you right where you are at if you ask him to. He can live in you today, and you can have eternal life through Him. First, you just need to choose to not end your life on November 1st. Go to your closest Bible based Christian Church. Speak with a pastor - let him share the Word of God with you. Let Him share hope with you! Allow God to stir things in you, to wake up the parts of your soul that your diagnosis has likely put to sleep. It is not too late to change your mind Brittany. People all over the world are praying for exactly that - that you change your mind and live out the final days God is gifting you with.
With much love,
Linda 🌺
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