When Chronic Illness brings spiritual warfare

Have you ever thought, "Why me, God?"?  Or perhaps you don't even know how to feel. Do you feel choked by fear? Do you feel relieved to have a diagnosis or do you resist it? Do you feel swallowed up by the medical merry-go-round and people's opinions? Do you feel like life as you know it is over? Are you blaming God?

Anger vs Praise
Perhaps you are ahead of me at the time of my diagnosis, and were quickly able to see God's grace and mercy in your life.  Maybe you're even able to praise Him for this blessing of an illness? What? Praise Him for an illness?  If you are like me, my first thought was not to praise God. As a matter of fact, I wasn't even a Christian at the time my health issues began. Somehow I knew there was a God though, because I sure was angry at Him! My life was perfect according to society standards...I had a great husband, two healthy kids, a great career, great friends, fun hobbies... All the things we are taught to feel are important from a young age.

The Physical Battle for our health and Spiritual Warfare for our Faith begins! 
Very quickly, the spiritual warfare began for me. I raced to heal myself by seeing every doctor, specialist and  alternative doctor willing to see me, in between juicing wheatgrass, slurping kale, and finding all the healing recipes on Pinterest. I heavily relied on doctors to "save" me, cure me. Afterall, I was no longer in control and someone had to be! I thought it surely couldn't be God or I wouldn't have this health issue. During breaks in all that chaos, I pointed my finger to the sky. Why now? My kids are so young? I feel like my life is just getting started! I'm a good person. Whyyyy?  The thing is, I selfishly cried out to God in anger but I wasn't listening to Him.  I didn't expect to hear anything back, I suppose. Perhaps I was like Martha when Jesus came to visit...too busy and distracted to listen.  (Luke 10:38-42)

Eventually, with the stress of the doctors visits, invasive testing, trial medications, no real answers or hope and a poor prognosis, I felt helpless and my heart began to soften. My anger turned into a desire. A desire to know more about a God. Who is this guy that so many people believe in and turn to? I thought about some of the Christians I knew, who were in some pretty bad circumstances themselves, yet they radiated joy. How could that be?

Time for Church, Honey!

One day I told my husband I wanted to go to Church. I think he knew better than to argue, because we needed something! He was raised a Christian, however had wandered off like so many do and was looking forward to going back.  So began the "Church dating". We went to several until we found one that felt like home for our entire family and began showing up weekly and just listening. We quickly knew we were in the right place! The messages in the sermons were everything we needed to hear and we felt so thankful God lead us to a great Bible based church. I became more like Mary and just wanted to sit at Jesus' feet and listen. I was still in a pretty bad place emotionally over the health crisis, so many tears were shed, but we continued to go week after week and I slowly developed a priceless and freeing relationship with The Lord! I realized all Jesus wanted was to give to me...he wanted me to receive forgiveness, life, love and peace in my heart. No doctor could give that to me, but He could. 

Did the Spiritual Warfare end? 

As I grew closer to The Lord, Satan sure thought it was important to try to weasel his way back in, so no, it didn't end. It was an ongoing struggle, until I put some protective measures in place for myself. Well, it's still a struggle, but far less these days!  I began developing strong friendships with other Believers and we are a great support to each other... I cling to God's Word and all His promises, I began ministering to other people suffering with chronic illness, etc. I put the protective armor of God on!  Lately I've been tested again, by being in a very serious Autoimmune flare-up and spending far too much time back in the doctors offices and hospitals, being very focused on my body again. It has taken true effort and calling on God for strength, whether day by day or even hour by hour, to make it through this one without letting the spiritual warfare begin. 

Are we victims or did we ever have control anyway?

It would be pretty easy to feel like a victim in severe chronic illness, to feel like so much is out of our control. But, you know what? Was it ever in our control in the first place? God has been, is and always will be in control. For someone like me that was a hard adjustment. You mean I can't be totally in control?? I very much like to feel independent and in control at all times. I'm just wired that way. Slowly, I've come to be so thankful that I have someone, an all knowing God, who is always there and never changes. I deal with enough changes! Satan has a way of causing fear, worry, self-reliance, anger, etc. to seep in though, so Spiritual Warfare is truly an ongoing battle for many of us. The Lord wants to draw us to Him and we'd be wise to obey His call and be prepared for "battle", because Satan wants to draw us in as well. 

What does God say?

In Ephesians 6, God tells us to put on the full armor of God because our struggle is spiritual! 

In Matthew 6:33 It says we are to seek God's Kingdom and righteousness first and we will receive all that we need! 

He wants us to seek Him. Sure, we need to pursue appropriate medical care, but also pray about the direction, listen and trust. God is waiting for us to give Him control and just very well may bring you to the perfect doctor or medicine or even bring you instant healing!  But, that is His call, not ours. 

What Now? 

Mainly what God wants is for us to have a relationship with him, so we need to be in prayer and talk to Him, but we also need to listen... Listen in prayer, listen throughout the day, listen through His word in the Bible.  Our lives can be so unpredictable in chronic illness. Be prepared! Set up a routine that works for you.  I began setting aside quiet time with The Lord first thing in the morning and it's been an amazing way to start my day, no matter how I feel physically. It takes the focus off my body and puts my focus on the correct things. I end up being more productive, joyful, alive!  

Spiritual Warfare is very real but with God, we can overcome it. I'll leave you with this Bible Verse to meditate on...

Isaiah 40:28-31

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not grow faint or weary; His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might, he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for The Lord shall renew their strength ; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not be faint. 

AMEN! Something to remember.... Satan fights the hardest when he knows God has something great in store!

Be well and be blesses friends,

Linda